To all my followers…if I still have any! It’s been a while and I’m sorry about that. It’s not that stopped writing – I still work as a writer, but my love for creative writing came to a sudden end after a family tragedy. I think I found it difficult to express my emotions and something I once found such joy in, became impossible.
After 14-months, my kind-hearted and lovely mum lost her battle with brain cancer. I shouldn’t really define it as a battle, it was a terminal diagnosis, but it seems fitting to use that word because she was a warrior. There’s not many people I know who would be so brave. I certainly wouldn’t have been as strong as her.
One distinct memory that I can’t shake is the time I got upset in front of her. For those reading this that don’t know me personally, I am a tough cookie. I am not the type of person to have a cry. I don’t like it. It’s not that I consider crying as a weakness in others, because it’s certainly not, but for some reason for me, it is. It’s always better to smile and just carry on. Whether that’s a healthy way to deal with your emotions is another matter for another day. Anyway, I digress. So I didn’t get upset in front of my mum very often – I’d save that for private because what right did I have to cry. I wasn’t the dying one. When someone is upset you don’t start crying with them, you comfort them. But on this occasion, I couldn’t do it. I just started crying and I told mum that I was upset for her, I suppose I was already mourning her. With all the absolutely terrible people in the world, why did someone so brilliant and generous have to die? And in such a grim way!? [I can sense my anger building – my computer keys are getting the brunt of this.]
I was angry and I was upset. And what did my mum do? The one who all of this was happening to? She just gave me a hug, held me and told me it would be all be alright and not to cry. In this one story, I hope I have portrayed what a fantastic woman she was. How bloody brave she was. We definitely had our issues, her and I, but I hope she knew how wonderful I thought she was and how much I loved her.
I think I’m ready to write for me again. But I’ll be taking baby steps. Maybe I’ll start with a few blog posts a week and go from there! Bear with me.